dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
