you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
