please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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