im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
