ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
