So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
