So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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