its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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