I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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