i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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