If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
