Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
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my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
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We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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