Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
