I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
