did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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