I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
