someone threw a dead crab at me
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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