i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i love accidental penises.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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