I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
