I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You are a genius and a whore.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize