Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
