dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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