Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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