Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
