My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Never underestimate the power of titties
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
