is your mom at the bar?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
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you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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