What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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