girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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