Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
