I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
