Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
