eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
