I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
