And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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