Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
