You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
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I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
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Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
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