honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
