At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize