when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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