Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
