He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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