Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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