I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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