5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Im part way to drunk.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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