Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
