At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
