God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
