You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
