peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
