It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
