Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
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please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
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Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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