i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
