if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
