I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
