I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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