there's paper in my vomit.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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