"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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