Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
