i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
