I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
