I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize