Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
