If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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