conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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