We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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