I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
