too bad you live with your parents still
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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