How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
