I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
