I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
