He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
