you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
