It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
