Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
