So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
